How Sexalicious Are You?

It's the very question upon which our self-esteem balances precariously- the answer to which has thrown many an adolescent into the dark abyss of shattered confidence and immolated ego...

How Sexalicious Are You?

 

?



Sexalicious

[seks-ah-lish-uhs]

adjective:

1. deliciously sexy

2. can be used to compare level of sexiness to deliciousness of a food

e.g. 'Yum, Matt Bellamy's like, lobster thermidor & french salad sexalicious!'

       'Eurgh, you fancy Peter Kay*? Sexalicious? More like chip shop curry mate.'

Q1: Which shop do you visit most often?

a: Ann Summers

b: Primark

c: Forbidden Planet

Q2: Which of these food products appeals to you most?

a: Caviar

b: Salmon Fishcakes

c: Fish Fingers  

Q3: Who would you be most likely to compare yourself to (appearance-wise)?

a: David Tennant / Megan Fox

b: Someone off a soap opera / sitcom

c: Homer Simpson / One of the Fat Slags (Viz)

Q4: Mattress size?

a: King

b: Double

c: Twin / Single

Q5: Reading material?

a: Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl - Belle de Jour

b: 'Salem's Lot - Stephen King

c: Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

Q6: You spend most time with your....?

a: Girlfriend / Boyfriend

b: Family

c: Xbox 360 / PS3

Q7: Ideal career?

a: Rock Star / Film Star

b: Artist / Nurse / Fireman / something else fairly normal

c: Professional Trainspotter

Q8:You are most proficient at...?

a: Pole Dancing

b: Basketball

c: Guitar Hero

Q9: Which combination of bands would make the best festival stage line-up?

a: The Strokes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Libertines, The White Stripes, Queens Of The Stone Age

b: Foo Fighters, Metallica, Lostprophets, My Chemical Romance and... Lady Gaga?



Go Beefheart!



c: Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band, Neutral Milk Hotel, Bjorn Again, Slade, an Albert Mangelsdorff Tribute Band

Q10: Final question... best type of underwear?

a: Crotchless Pants and Nipple Clamps

b: Bra and Knickers / Y Fronts

c: Supermarket carrier bag

Now count up how many of each letter you got.

Mostly as:

Devil's Food Cake with Vanilla Ice Cream

Well... you're a bit strange if you picked a few of those options... but congrats. You are officially sexalicious. Bet you're proud of yourself. Now bugger off to that high-class stripping job of yours.

Good one if you picked the festival bands answer though.

Mostly bs:

Strawberries and Blackberries in Greek Yoghurt

You seem pretty normal. That's good. We have something to work with. To achieve the dizzy heights of sexaliciousness, you must commit yourself to a strict regime of posh food (e.g. raw oysters, foie gras etc), erotic literature and bondage wear. Or not. Anyone who considers themselves truly 'sexalicious' is probably a freak or a dickhead.

Mostly cs:

Brussel Sprouts in Custard

Oh dear.

You are either incredibly nerdy, or mental.

Both are actually good things to be.

They're just not sexalicious.

Btw, trainspotting isn't good. Otherwise cool.

*This is a joke. Don't get all offended if you happen to be a Peter Kay fan (or Peter Kay). I quite like Peter Kay. Max and Paddy was good. Pheonix Nights was better. He seems to be going a bit downhill at the moment though. That talent show thing was a bit rubbish. So yeah. Peter Kay.