It's the very question upon which our self-esteem balances precariously- the answer to which has thrown many an adolescent into the dark abyss of shattered confidence and immolated ego...
How Sexalicious Are You?
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Sexalicious
[seks-ah-lish-uhs]
adjective:
1. deliciously sexy
2. can be used to compare level of sexiness to deliciousness of a food
e.g. 'Yum, Matt Bellamy's like, lobster thermidor & french salad sexalicious!'
'Eurgh, you fancy Peter Kay*? Sexalicious? More like chip shop curry mate.'
Q1: Which shop do you visit most often?
a: Ann Summers
b: Primark
c: Forbidden Planet
Q2: Which of these food products appeals to you most?
a: Caviar
b: Salmon Fishcakes
c: Fish Fingers Q3: Who would you be most likely to compare yourself to (appearance-wise)?
a: David Tennant / Megan Fox
b: Someone off a soap opera / sitcom
c: Homer Simpson / One of the Fat Slags (Viz)
Q4: Mattress size?
a: King
b: Double
c: Twin / Single
Q5: Reading material?
a: Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl - Belle de Jour
b: 'Salem's Lot - Stephen King
c: Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
Q6: You spend most time with your....?
a: Girlfriend / Boyfriend
b: Family
c: Xbox 360 / PS3
Q7: Ideal career?
a: Rock Star / Film Star
b: Artist / Nurse / Fireman / something else fairly normal
c: Professional Trainspotter
Q8:You are most proficient at...?
a: Pole Dancing
b: Basketball
c: Guitar Hero
Q9: Which combination of bands would make the best festival stage line-up?
a: The Strokes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Libertines, The White Stripes, Queens Of The Stone Age
b: Foo Fighters, Metallica, Lostprophets, My Chemical Romance and... Lady Gaga?
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| Go Beefheart! |
c: Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band, Neutral Milk Hotel, Bjorn Again, Slade, an Albert Mangelsdorff Tribute Band
Q10: Final question... best type of underwear?
a: Crotchless Pants and Nipple Clamps
b: Bra and Knickers / Y Fronts
c: Supermarket carrier bag
Now count up how many of each letter you got.
Mostly as:
Devil's Food Cake with Vanilla Ice Cream
Well... you're a bit strange if you picked a few of those options... but congrats. You are officially sexalicious. Bet you're proud of yourself. Now bugger off to that high-class stripping job of yours.
Good one if you picked the festival bands answer though.
Mostly bs:
Strawberries and Blackberries in Greek Yoghurt
You seem pretty normal. That's good. We have something to work with. To achieve the dizzy heights of sexaliciousness, you must commit yourself to a strict regime of posh food (e.g. raw oysters, foie gras etc), erotic literature and bondage wear. Or not. Anyone who considers themselves truly 'sexalicious' is probably a freak or a dickhead.
Mostly cs:
Brussel Sprouts in Custard
Oh dear.
You are either incredibly nerdy, or mental.
Both are actually good things to be.
They're just not sexalicious.
Btw, trainspotting isn't good. Otherwise cool.
*This is a joke. Don't get all offended if you happen to be a Peter Kay fan (or Peter Kay). I quite like Peter Kay. Max and Paddy was good. Pheonix Nights was better. He seems to be going a bit downhill at the moment though. That talent show thing was a bit rubbish. So yeah. Peter Kay.
